Evil Willow and Unevil Xander
by mercva
Summary: YAHF. Willow finds out just how much fun taking over the world can be, and Xander finds out what it's like to be a henchman with somewhat more power than he's used to.


Summary: Evil is found in Sunnydale. YAHF.

Crossover: To Be Disclosed

Disclaimer: I own precisely bugger all.

Feedback: Absolutely, please.

* * *

Willow blinked as a flash went off in the normally somewhat dim library. Her finger shot towards the monitor's 'off' button, only to be caught by Buffy's traitorous hand.

"Caught ya, Wills," Xander said gleefully. "Playing computer games... and here you said you were studying."

"I was," Willow said primly. She then affected a somewhat pompous voice. "I was studying... how to be an EVIL GENIUS!"

Xander stuck a finger in his ear, pretending to clean it out. "I don't think they heard you in Hawaii, Wills."

"We still have to think of a costume for tonight, Willow," Buffy pointed out. "I heard of a new costume shop opening, we could get some good deals there."

Willow smiled contentedly.

"Going as a ghost again," Xander asked.

Buffy looked horrified. "You are not going as a ghost! My God, you're supposed to go as someone you aren't for Halloween!"

Willow smacked Xander. "Hey! Stop playing my game! And I don't see why I can't go as a ghost. I mean, I can't think of anything else."

"You could go as an evil genius," Xander offered, eyes glued to the monitor. He wasn't relinquishing the mouse to Willow, either. "And we could be your henchmen."

"Oooooh, I could totally do the evil henchwoman," Buffy offered.

"What characters are there in the game," Xander asked. "Oooo, voodoo priest henchman. Go hex that guy!"

"That's you settled," Buffy decided.

"Hey!"

"You didn't call your costume fast enough," Buffy shrugged. "Now, what henchwomen are there in the game?"

"There is... a little old lady who is way too fond of electroshock therapy," Xander offered.

"No."

"A mad scientist lady who looks like she was struck by lightning and works with cosmetics," Willow offered.

"Tempting, but... no."

"That's it for female henchmen, then."

"That is so sexist!"

"You could crossdress as one of the guy henchmen," Xander offered.

"Red Ivan," Willow suggested with a giggle, managing to get the mouse from Xander and pulling up the glossary entry for Red Ivan.

All three teenagers looked at the screen. Red Ivan looked like the human equivalent of a T-34 tank. Arnie would have felt inadequate beside Red Ivan.

"Oh, hell no," Buffy said.

"What about the doctor dude," Xander said, stealing the mouse back.

"Xander," Willow began, "/stop stealing my mouse/"

She then clicked on 'The Butcher' in the glossary.

"With a scary voice and a disturbing love of scientific equipment, this guy will haunt your nightmares," Buffy read off the screen.

"Humanitarian doctor gone bad in cannibal country," Xander summed up. "You're all set, Buff."

"What! But--"

"No," Willow said, resolve face on. "You decided for Xander, so I decided for you."

"Now... for the Evil Genius herself," Xander said.

* * *

Joyce blinked in surprise as she opened the door.

"Oh... Xander," she greeted her guest. "Uh... where is your shirt?"

"Buffy decided that I was going as an evil voodoo priest," Xander said, scratching the back of his head nervously.

He had a long black coat on, open at the chest. Normal if grubby jeans, no shirt, shoes, and a top hat. Oh yes, white paint on his chest, face paint, and a necklace with teeth on it. He couldn't be bothered trying to darken his skin for the costume.

"It looks... very nice," Joyce said diplomatically.

"Thanks, I guess," Xander said. "How are my girls?"

"Your girls," an indignant voice came from the top of the stairs.

"Ah, the Doctor is in," Xander joked as Buffy descended the stairs.

She was clothed in a long white coat, the buttons going down the left side of the coat. Black gloves adorned her hands, a white and red mask was over her face, and her hair was dyed red. A big butcher's knife in one hand finished the costume.

"And where is our employer," Xander asked.

"Coming," Buffy said.

"So is Christmas."

"I know how to put a costume on, Mister," Willow's voice came from the top of the stairs.

Xander wolf-whistled, and Willow immediately went bright red.

"H-hey," she protested.

Willow was in a closely-fitting elegant black and white dress. A small hat was perched on her head, with a veil descending from it as far as her eyes. Long black velvet gloves encased her hands, while her hair was done up in a bun. Her feet were in some fine high heeled shoes, and her right hand was loosely gripping a cigarette holder. Her pale complexion did nothing but enhance the costume.

"I hope you're not going to use that holder," Joyce said. "You do look very nice. Evil, but nice."

"I'll second that any day," Xander said.

"No, it's tissue paper and notebook paper, see," Willow said, holding the fake cigarette and holder out to Buffy's mum.

"Okay, now say cheese for the camera," Joyce said, holding up the Kodak.

* * *

Snyder had had a few harsh words for them, but since their clothes were basically decent he had let them go.

Willow was escorting her kids to Mrs Oldman's house, when she felt a wave of weakness roll over her. She grabbed at the letterbox for stability, cigarette holder managing to not fall from her hands.

And Willow Lightbringer, Evil Genius par extraordinaire, rose to her feet.

"Where am I," she muttered, lighting her cigarette. "And where are those henchmen of mine?"

She turned, to see Ethan Asia across the street. The doctor had been adrift in Papua New Guinea, until she had take the young medical specialist under her wing.

"Ethan," she called out throatily.

"Coming," the doctor grumbled. "Something is wrong, Lightbringer."

"Oh," she asked wordlessly, eyebrow raising.

"Why am I a woman right now," Ethan asked plaintively. For some reason, the evil impulses (from the cannibal's pancreas he had been forced to transplant when his own had exploded) were fading.

"I... don't know," Willow said. "I also don't know why I'm a few inches short. We need to find Montezuma. He's the expert in this sort of magic."

"You are sure it is magic, then," the doctor asked as they started to walk down the street.

"I am," Willow said, pausing to take a puff of her cigarette to calm her nerves. "It happened far too quickly to be anything else, and I do not allow that manner of technology in my own secret base."

"There he is," Ethan said, pointing towards the voodoo man. "Montezuma!"

The man in the top hat turned. "Boss? Whatchu doin' here?"

"You don't know anything about what's going on," Willow asked, eyebrow raised again.

"De spirits tell me that de Roman spirit Janus be behind this," Montezuma said, eyes staring towards the end of the street. "A bad man dey call Ethan Rayne be doin' this."

* * *

"The spirit man is here," Drusilla said, clapping her hands. "He's here! But he has to leave soon, otherwise the Knight will be cross with him."

"Who is this man," Spike asked her. Maybe he could help Dru. "Come on, tell Daddy."

"He's the one who talks with Miss Edith, Mister Black, and all their friends," Drusilla explained, looking serious. "Do you think they would like some cake?"

"You have some cake with them then," Spike said soothingly. "I'll take a couple of the boys and find him. What's he look like then?"

"Oh, he's here alllll the waaaay... from the little island above Brazil..."

Voodoo, then. Spike hated voodoo.

"Bugger that. I'm stayin' in. Last time I messed with one of those assholes I spent the week diggin' ditches for 'im."

* * *

Ethan Rayne found himself paralysed in short by the voodoo priest, and then Ethan Asia went to work on him until Rayne explained what was going on.

Willow Lightbringer then smashed the statue, wanting to return to her evil base.

* * *

"Most remarkable," Giles said, cleaning his glasses. "And you don't remember anything?"

"Nope," Xander said. "Except I cook a mean gumbo now."

"I can ace School Certificate now," Willow said gleefully.

"Uh... I can really kick ass at Thanksgiving with the turkey knife," Buffy tried.

Giles sighed. "Go on, get to class. I'll get to work on writing this up."

All three wandered off to the corridor.

"We'll see you after French then," Buffy said to Xander.

"Okay," he shrugged, watching the two girls walk around the corner.

"Hey, your bodyguard just left," Larry teased him.

He turned to look at Larry, and muttered something under his breath.

Larry farted. It was a long, loud fart that ended in a prominent 'SQUELCH!'

Harmony, Cordelia and the other cheerleaders giggled at him and the spreading brown stain on his pants.

"I think you'd better go clean that up, don't you?"

* * *

Post-fic Comments:

The crossover was Evil Genius, by Elixir Studios. Along with an OC based on the game. Timeline continuity is something that happens to other people.

Please don't hurt me.

* * *

**Unevil Xander**

* * *

Summary: Sequel to Evil Willow.

Crossover: Evil Genius

Disclaimer: I own precisely bugger all.

Feedback: Absolutely, please.

* * *

Willow frowned as she looked through her wardrobe. She hadn't realised just how unflattering her clothes were before last night.

"Mum, can I borrow fifty dollars to get some new clothes," she called out.

"Yes, dear," Sheila Rosenberg replied absently.

"Thanks," Willow returned.

Her computer beeped, and Willow turned to find what had happened.

Oh.

Her investments on the stock market had done better than she had hoped. Giles would be most happy to get his loan back so quickly.

* * *

A grin seemed nailed to Xander's face as he strolled through the halls of Sunnydale High. He had a somewhat tatty top hat on, a long black coat, jeans, a very dirty white shirt, and had no shoes on. A necklace with teeth on it hung around his neck.

"Harris," Snyder bellowed. "Get changed right now! And take off that ridiculous hat."

"Whachu say," Xander asked. "Shhh, you'll hurt it's feelings."

"You're coming perilously close to getting detention," Snyder fumed.

Xander's eyes narrowed as they flashed briefly. "Now dere ain't no problem, is dere?"

"Not at all," Snyder burbled. "What a lovely day! Hello, Miss Kendall, Miss Chase, how are you today?"

Xander smirked as he continued down the hallway to class.

* * *

"Like the hat, Harris," Larry called out. "Not! Where'd you get it, the town dump?"

"Nah, I quite like dis hat, and it come from family," Xander said. "De only thing your monkey family could give you is fleas, chimpanzee boy."

Larry began scratching at his head as the curse of a thousand fleas started munching.

"What did you do, Harris," Cordy asked, eyebrow raised.

"Who, me," Xander asked. "Harmless little me? You're lookin' at de wrong person..."

Queen C smiled. "You learnt something from last week, I take it?"

"You could put it dat way," Xander shrugged.

Cordy took a sharp breath as Willow walked into the classroom. Mainly due to her clothes.

Willow was wearing a long black dress, with full sleeves that went down to her hands. A white waistcoat/vest clad her torso, her vivid copper hair was done up in a tight bun and a pair of jet black high heels finished off the vision. Somehow, her slim attache briefcase failed to detract from her new image.

"Mmmm... now dat look good enough to eat," Xander smiled as Willow took a seat next to him. "It look like de Lightbringer be here to stay too."

"Evidently, Montezuma," Willow returned. "Good morning, Queen C."

"And a good morning to you too," Cordelia said. "Where /did/ you get that dress?"

"Just a small shop I found the other day," Willow shrugged. "I paid for this partially by allowance, but mostly from my work on the stock market."

"The stock market," Cordelia asked, impressed. "Wow... say, you want to go out after school with me and the girls?"

Willow's hands reflexively went to reach in her attache for a cigarette and her cigarette holder, and she cursed under her breath when she found that neither was there, or a lighter. "I need to talk to Giles, the librarian, first. He loaned me some seed money that I must repay."

Harmony poked Xander. "Why can't you be like her?"

"You mean you actually like crossdressing guys," Xander quipped.

"N-no," Harmony said hurriedly. "I mean like all classy and rich!"

"I dunno," Xander said easily. "I'm just blessed that way."

Harmony's eyes narrowed. "God, what is that /smell?"

Xander's fingers flicked towards Harmony for a second. "You."

Cordelia delicately sniffed at the air for a moment, in Xander's direction, then in Harmony's. "My God, he's right! Go freshen up or something, stat!"

"Nooo, it's not true," Harmony insisted.

"She's right," Jennifer, another Cordette, confirmed.

* * *

Later, Xander, Buffy, and Willow joined Giles in the library to discuss what had happened during Halloween.

"Are you sure that you are all coping alright with the aftermath of your possessions," Giles asked. "It really isn't something to take lightly."

"I keep wanting to light up a cigarette, and it's driving me crazy," Willow complained. "God, half of me wants my nicotine fix YESTERDAY, and the other half wants to tell the first half off for smoking!"

"Boy, I'm lucky that my mind is too small to have two minds about anything," Xander grinned.

"I can only advise willpower and determination to kick your, um, habit," Giles said. "Has there been anything else we should know about?"

Willow handed him a bundle of notes. "Yes -- here's your loan back."

"Already," Giles blinked. "I sincerely hope that nothing illegal was done with it."

"Just some stock market stuff," Willow shrugged.

"Buffy, has there been anything we should know about with regards to you," Giles asked.

"Nope, all is fine in Buffsville," the Slayer shrugged. "I'm acing French now, though!"

"Slain any evil car demons, Buff," Xander sniggered.

Buffy glared at him. The Glare rolled off him like water off a duck's back.

"That brings us nicely to you, Xander," Giles said. Xander groaned. "Is there anything you wish to tell us about?"

"Um... no," Xander tried.

"I've heard from other staff members that you have been acting most strangely, and that students who upset you today tended to have... accidents."

"Hey, it wasn't my fault if Jerry's girlfriend broke up with him."

"She kicked him in the groin, Xander. Half an hour earlier, they received detention for... er... doing things in a closet."

"The guy's an asshole!"

"What about Harmony," Buffy brought up.

"It ain't my fault if she can't pick perfume to save her life."

Giles sighed. "You're walking a dangerous path, Xander, and I hope you find the moral fortitude to leave it."

"I'll be fine," Xander shrugged. "So... anything else?"

* * *

That night, Xander was kicked out by his parents.

"And don't come back," Tony yelled, waving his fist at Xander, lying besides a lit streetlight.

Xander dusted off his pants and picked up his top hat. A scowl painted his face as he walked (somewhat unsteadily) down the road, kicking open the door of an abandoned house.

He sat on the dusty, dirty living room floor and pulled a candle out of a coat pocket, lighting it. A pack of cards followed, and Xander began laying them out.

"Ah... Death," Xander observed. "T'ings begin t' change, soon enuff."

"'Ello, lovey," a British voice said dreamily from the doorway. "Th' stars tell me that you came, and Miss Edith thinks that you're a lovely man."

"She be a lovely spi'it," Xander returned, continuing to lay the tarot cards out. "Whachu make o' de cards, den?"


End file.
